


What have I done to deserve this?!

by teeteeAOS



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-06 03:30:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13402521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teeteeAOS/pseuds/teeteeAOS
Summary: Enoch has some questions for agent May...I really loved the Enoch/May interraction on screen, it was hilarious!!





	1. Chapter 1

„Agent Melinda May, can I have a word with you, please?“ Enoch appears in the door to the Zephyr’s medical bay where Melinda is trying to find something that could stop the pain. She doesn’t say anything, he’ll start talking anyway. Well, that’s what she thinks. He stands on the sill of the door, waiting for her to give him permission.

„You can…talk.“

„Thank you. I just think you didn’t thank me, agent May.“ Melinda’s blood boils in her veins after hearing his words. She has a strong urge to punch him in the face but she’s trying to avoid touching him since he claims he’s an alien. She doesn’t have the best experience with touching anything alien. She closes her eyes, counts to ten and breathes out.

„My thank you? Thanks for what exactly?“

„I saved your life.“

„YOU are the piece of shit who got me and my team in danger in the first place so don’t try to turn this back on me!“ He comes closer and studies her face. Melinda has never felt more uncomfortable in her whole life. What does he want from her?

„I can assure you, agent May, I’m not a piece of shit. I already told you, I’m an alien from-.“ 

„Oh not this again…“

„I don’t understand, you called me son of a bitch earlier today. I’m the son of Kiava, I am not familiar with the goddess you call Bitch.“ This situation would probably be the funniest thing ever for the most but May is not the most – she’s tired, worried about others and injured. She doesn’t think she can handle spending more time with this man.

„It’s not…aghr, never mind.“

„I would be very delighted to get an explanation, agent May.“

„Fitz will explain everything to you.“ The best thing May can think of right now. That’s for calling her ancient-has-been. She winces as a wave of pain goes up to her injured leg. Maybe he was right, maybe I’m too old for this. 

„Anything else I can do for you?“

„I would like to ask you something else if you don’t mind.“ Yes, I mind – May thinks and sits down because she expects it to be stupid and she’s so done with the nonsense coming from Enoch’s mouth.

„Very well, I have lived on Earth for over 200 years and I have never understood one thing. It is the human mating.“ Melinda’s eyes wince at his words, did he say mating?

„What the…“

„I do not understand why someone would want to exchange body fluids with someone else on purpose.“ Oh boy. 

„It’s a … it’s a human thing.“

„Obviously. Does it bring any pleasure?“ She doesn’t understand how someone can ask such questions with a stone face. 

„Yes, that’s why we do that most of the time.“ When it finally seems like he is done with his questions, Enoch speaks up again, this time really catching May off guard.

„Are you and agent Coulson mating?“ She wishes she was invisible or in a different galaxy, given the fact that it’s pretty much possible in their condition. 

„NO…we’re…it’s complicated. Look, if you have any other questions, FItz will answer all of them when he’s back.“ He nods and turns around to leave. Melinda feels really relieved now but Enoch surprises her with another question again.

„Does Fitz know about your mating with agent Coulson?“

„HELL NO!“


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can I say, May and Enoch are priceless!

„I sincerely thought we were not going to make it.“ Enoch states as the Zephyr is no longer trembling. May breathes out with relief, she made it, they made it. She turns around to see if everyone is okay and is welcomed by Phil’s warm smile. She can’t help it but return the smile. She’s just about to wink at Coulson as Enoch steps between them, ruining their eye contact.

„I had no idea that the fear of death was so strong.“

„I’m pretty sure that my fist on your face would be as strong.“ May lets out through her clenched teeth. Phil apparently heard her because his escaped laugher speaks for itself. Daisy smirks too, letting May know that her words didn’t go unnoticed.

„Agent May, are you experiencing hunger or thirst? I can fix you something.“ May appreciates Enoch’s concern but there is something about the tone of his voice and the expression of his face that makes her annoyed.

„I can fix your face.“ She says. Daisy bursts into laugher and Coulson frowns.

„May.“

„I do not understand. My face appears to be perfectly fine. I can run diagnostics of my external injuries but I doubt it will reveal something. Besides, you told me you were not a doctor.“

„If I was a doctor, you’d be already sedated by now.“ 

„I am not injured, agent May.“ Enoch assures her and she rolls her eyes. Phil makes his way up to where Melinda is piloting the plane and sits down next to her. Enoch is about to go up there, too, but Daisy’s voice stops him.

„Hey Plastic, let’s go, Fitzsimmons will need some help.“

„I am sorry, agent Johnson, but for the sake of my research I need to be present.“ Daisy frowns and crosses her arms.

„What research?“

„I have been sent to the planet Earth to observe humans in their natural habitant and if there is a chance that agent May and agent Coulson will mate, I have to be present.“ Daisy feels a familiar urge to laugh – whatever happens, she wants to keep Enoch in the team. May throws a deadly look in Enoch’s direction and Coulson is trying to read May’s face as he doesn’t understand the situation.

„Did he say-.“

„Yes, he did.“ Is May’s dry and short reply. 

„Why would he-.“

„I don’t want to know.“ Coulson just nods and puts his hand on May’s knee to let her know he’s there for her.

„Come on, Plastic, let’s go.“ As much as Daisy wants to hear May’s and Coulson’s heart-to-heart conversation, she knows that they need some space.

„A male puts his hand on the female’s knee, interesting.“ Enoch writes this note down to his little notebook as he’s following Daisy out of the area.

„You can sedate him.“ Coulson approves.

„Thanks.“


	3. Chapter 3

„WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!“ Phil comes just in time. He was sleeping peacefully…well…as peacefully as one can sleep while floating in the space, really, but he was getting his small dose of rest when he heard screaming from the outside of his bunk. He didn’t pay much attention to that because he was rather sleepy but then he heard Daisy, repeating Melinda’s name, and Fitz, saying something like „keep her down“, and it definitely woke him up. He was in May’s bunk in a second and just in time. 

The bunk is in total chaos – there are Daisy and Deke trying to pin May to the wall, Simmons is kneeling in front of Enoch, who is covering his face with both hands, and Fitz is unsuccessfully dodging May’s kicks in his pursuit of calming her down.

„May! Calm down! There’s no danger!“

„JESUS CHRIST, SHE’S STRONG AS HELL.“

„Shut up and hold her tight, Deke!“

„What do you think I’m trying to do?!!“

„I am sorry, I am so sorry.“ Is all Phil can understand from Enoch’s muted babbling.

„LET ME GO! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL HIM!“

„May! It’s okay. Breathe in, breathe out, just like you taught me!“

„I DON’T THINK I CAN HOLD HER ANY LONGER!“

„She’ll kill him if we let her go!“ Phil decides to stop this mess right after Fitz falls down after being kicked in the face.

„STOP!“ His voice is very loud and firm and he’s quite surprised because all of them actually stop. Even May who looks like she’s ready to take them all down.

„Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on?! May?“ His voice softens a little when he says Melinda’s name. She breafly glares at Enoch and starts talking:

„This piece of alien crap sneaked into my bunk while I was sleeping! His face was a few centimeters from mine when I woke up, I acted on impulse!“ Phil breathes out and looks at Enoch, who is now trying to get up from the cold ground.

„Enoch?“

„I did not intend to scare agent May nor disturb her from her resting mode. I was only looking for evidence to support my theory.“

„What theory?“ Phil is not sure if he has enough energy to deal with this mess right now but he’s in charge so he has to do something.

„That agent May is either inhuman or alien.“

„WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?! YOU PIECE OF-.“

„May!“ Daisy and Deke pin her to the wall again before she can jump on Enoch.

„Okay, that’s enough!“ Phil raises his voice again. It would be quite funny if it wasn’t for his lack of energy.

„Daisy? Deke?“

„Well, I heard a strange noise coming from May’s bunk so I went to see what was happeing. I met Deke and Fitzsimmons on my way and we found May killing Enoch.“ 

„Oh, like you can blame me for that! He was watching me sleep! I had every right to end his useless life!“ Phil closes his eyes and counts to ten. He curses himself for not attending the Kid Care course back at the Academy. 

„Enoch, watching people sleep is inappropriate. Don’t do that ever again, especially not to May.“ 

„I am sincerely sorry, agent May. I had no idea I would cause harm to you by watching you in your rest mode. Is there anything I can do to undo my inappropriate behavior?“ Enoch says and waits for May’s reply. 

„Yes, die.“ She says dryly and picks up her blanket from the ground. Enoch doesn’t know how to respond so he turns to Coulson for a little advice. Phil just shrugs his shoulders and offers a smile.

„Can we go to sleep now?“ Fitz asks from the ground. Simmons, Deke and Daisy look at Coulson with the same question in their eyes.

„Yes, go to sleep, get some rest.“

„Like it’s possible now that we have just a few hours left.“ Fitz seems to be very annoyed by this whole incident so he doesn’t even say good night.

„Okay, Enoch…you’re forbidden from entering agent May’s bunk and May…“ He stops and looks at her. He feels really sorry for her because having an alien watching you sleep must be a really disturbing experience. She closes her eyes and nods. She knows what Phil wants to say.

„I promise I will not disturb agent May’s rest mode ever again. Now excuse me, I will go back to my room so you humans can sleep, as you say.“ With those words he’s walking away in the direction of his bunk. May breathes out with relief and Phil helps her pick up some things that ended up on the floor due to the fight.

„I’m sorry.“ He simply says as their eyes meet.

„It’s not your fault.“

„I know but…you can always sleep in my bunk if you don’t feel safe here.“ May smirks and scans him from head to toes.

„What kind of an offer is that?“

„It’s…it’s just a…“ 

„Phil, it’s fine. I can survive. If I ever feel threatened by this plastic bag, I know where to go.“ They both smile.

„Deal?“

„Deal.“


	4. Chapter 4

„Okay everyone, we’re approaching the LIghthouse. We’ll be there in approximately two hours, get ready.“ May’s voice fills the flight deck. Fitzsimmons get up and head to the medical bay to pack some medial items and prepare for the landing.

„I’m sure Kasius knows we’re coming so we need to take the guns up there. Let’s go.“ Phil gestures to the direction of the place with the guns. Daisy and Deke follow him but Coulson stops right before the staircase.

„Enoch, you going?“ Enoch stops gazing at the stars and turns to them. 

„I think it would not be a bad idea to stay here and help agent May with her preparations for the landing. I think I might be quite useful.“ Right after he finishes his thought, May reacts like she always does while it’s Enoch who’s talking.

„HELL NO.“

„I can help you secure some other things, agent Ma-.“

„I said NO!“ Phil and others watch the exchange between them and then Phil gestures towards the gun area again.

„Hey, Enoch. You should go with us.“ He nods and leaves May alone. They are quiet while going through the guns, everyone can sense the weird tension – something is about to happen.

„May I ask you something?“ Enoch breaks the silence after a while. Daisy says sure because she’s probably the only one who actually thinks that Enoch is hilarious. She can’t help but laugh at everything he says.

„Why are human females so moody?“ His questions catches Daisy off guard a little bit. She expected a question about human mating but definitely not this. 

„We’re not moody…well, not all the time at least.“ She tries to give him a valid answer.

„Agent May proves the opposite.“ Phil doesn’t want to get involved in this kind of conversation but he listens carefully. He wonders what’s going on between Enoch and May. Sure, Enoch asks stupid questions and May is most likely allergic to stupid people but still…Now he wants to know.

„Well, she had a bad night…we all had, remember?“ Daisy hits the point with this – they all didn’t sleep well because of the Enoch-May situation.

„Yes, I understand that but I apologized and learnt from my mistake as you humans say. I do not understand why she is still mad at me.“ 

„Maybe she just has cousin Red in for the week.“ Daisy regrets saying that right after she finishes the sentence. There’s no way Enoch will let this go unexplained. She turns to Coulson for some help but he silently says that she’s on her own. Well, crap.

„Agent May has a cousin? I did not know that.“ 

„I meant…she may be on that time of the month if you know what I mean.“ She’s trying so hard to save the situation because she’s pretty sure May will try to kill her if she finds out about this conversation.

„So there is a time of the month when agent May’s cousin comes to visit her, interesting. Is her cousin an alien? Because we are floating deep in the space and having a visit from the planet Earth is not humanly possible.“ She really needs Coulson’s help now and he knows that, though he has no idea what to do.

„NO, May’s cousin is not…hrrrr…okay, look, there is a time of the month when women have hard time dealing with hormones and emotions and all I’m trying to say is that agent May may be on that time.“ Enoch must understand now, there’s no way she can explain this further.

„Fascinating. But how does cousin Red help agent May with dealing with hormones? Is he a doctor?“ Coulson just smiles and shakes his head, now it’s pretty clear why May wants to kill him.

„Do we have all the guns we need?“ Daisy asks Coulson and Deke. She pretends she didn’t hear Enoch’s question. 

„Yes, let’s get back.“ Coulson states and makes his way up to where the rest of the team is supposed to be. Once they are all up there, May takes some guns from them to the flight deck – who knows where the guns will be needed. Daisy is happy to see Enoch sitting quite far away from May, she doesn’t want him to ask May anything about what they were talking about. 

„So everything ready?“ Coulson asks like the real boss he is. They exchange one of those knowing looks with May. Deke excuses himself and leaves to see if Fitzsimmons need any help. Daisy feels uneasy when Enoch gets up and heads to where May and Coulson are currently talking.

„Agent May…“ Enoch starts and May rolls her eyes.

„Oh no…“

„…I think it is a perfect time to properly apologize for my inappropriate behavior. I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I am still learning about humans and I did not realise that it would cause any discomfort.“ May narrows her eyes.

„Okay?“

„And, by the way, I will be thrilled to meet your cousin…ehm…what was his name again, agent Johnson?“ Daisy is desperately trying to make him stop with various face expressions and gestures but it’s pointless, she’s screwed.

„…Red, was it? Yes, your cousin Red. Perhaps next time when you will be on your emotional time of the month. I can cook something for him and he can later tell me something more about your upbringing.“ May throws one of her deadly looks at Daisy, who is now looking for the nearest way out.

„Red is busy but maybe I can introduce you to my uncle Punch, Daisy will meet him very soon, too.“ She says dryly and crosses her arms. 

„Would you really do that for me?“ Enoch asks in awe, not quite sure when he got so lucky. May smirks and nods.

„It will be my pleasure.“ Phil knows what’s going on so he puts his human hand on May’s shoulder and saves Enoch.

„Okay everyone, you guys know what to do, we need to prepare. Come on.“ 

„What did we miss?“ Fitz and Simmons come back with their bags, ready for the landing.

„Agent May will introduce me to her uncle Punch, it is a very rewarding day for me.“ Enoch brags about his accomplishment but Fitz doesn’t seem to be so happy about it.

„You don’t want to meet her uncle Punch, trust me.“


End file.
